The Broken Bird Club – Take your vitamins

*Affiliate links included.

If you didn’t know, my brain broke. Like in The NeverEnding Story, where the Nothing eats everything, except it ate my soul.

To read about the many straws that took this camel down, you can find it here This Bird Finally Broke. If you’d prefer to skip the doom scroll, keep reading.

But back to that final straw. This straw not only took out my brain, it took out my heart. This straw was the passing of my mom in early 2023. I would wake up every morning to the feeling that my whole body was in pain from my head to my feet. I had no energy. Coffee didn’t even work. Two cups just made my stomach hurt, and I was still exhausted.

Functional Depression and Normal Depression

Did you know there is such a thing as Functional Depression? I didn’t until I was told by a therapist that I had it. I had always been a depressed person. I stayed functional because the fear of looking like a “loser” and bringing shame to my family was a bigger fear than how sad I normally felt.

After my mom passed, I finally learned what “Normal” depression felt like: the inability to function, to get the most basic of tasks done. I was toast.

Even though I was in such a f*cked up place, I didn’t want to take antidepressants. I had been on antidepressants before when I had functional depression. I thought being sad about my mom passing was normal, so I didn’t want to take antidepressants to make me numb.

I needed to be f*ed up for a bit.

The Ghost of My Mother Still Haunts Me

Somehow, even in death, I imagined how disappointed my mom would be if she saw the state I was in.

My mom didn’t have an easy childhood, and adulthood wasn’t much kinder. I could write a book on all my mom’s accomplishments as a single parent with three children, and the assholes who tried to take her down.

She had to be tough. That meant there wasn’t much room for weakness or sadness at home.

My mom was not perfect. Her parenting style had its gaps, but I still don’t think I could live up to the standard she set. In my mind, she’s bigger than life. The doctor who diagnosed her cancer told my sister and me, “She’s an incredible lady” and “Where did she come from?” My sister and I both answered, “Outer space.” At the exact same time. Without planning it. None of us will ever be as great as our mom.

I Can’t Live If I Can’t Wake Up

I let myself be sad and grieve for months. And then those months turned into a year. That’s when the mom ghost thing really started to haunt me.

I knew I had to get better. But how do you do that when your body and brain feel like sh*t.

I decided the first step was to figure out my total lack of energy. I didn’t want to wake up and dread being alive. I just needed one small change to start my path to recovery.

You may want to punch me in the face once I tell you what I did. I took some vitamins.

Please don’t punch me. I know that’s a total file under “water is wet” or “No sh*t, Sherlock.” But it was the type of vitamins I took. It was 300mg Benfotiamine (this is the one I take). I watched many YouTube videos on this specific vitamin, so I am now a certified Dr. 🩺

I also had my sister take Benfotiamine because she was also low energy after the passing of our mom. At first, she complained that it kept her up at night. I asked what time she took it. She said at night 💀. So at least I know it did improve her energy.

For the science behind the why

Did I Try Anything Else?

I’d already tried other supplements before this: sublingual B-6, B-12, krill oil, and probably some others I don’t remember. There was ZERO change in my energy level until I took Benfotiamine.

Not at 100% but an Improvement

I won’t lie and say I felt like the old me, able to do household chores, play with my kids, and crank out websites. But I no longer woke up feeling like I dreaded life.

This was only the first of many steps I’ve taken to get here. When I started taking Benfotiamine, I wasn’t even at zero. I was in the negative numbers.

Benfotiamine got me to zero, and from there I was able to slowly — baby steps slow, turtle steps slow — dig myself out of that hole.

Even after more than a year, I’m only at 25%, maybe 35% on a good day. But where I’m at now is better than zero.

Maybe What I Have Done Can Help You Too

I decided I wanted to share the journey I’m on with others who find themselves at zero and want help getting out. I made this Broken Bird Club for me and for you.

I plan to share each step I took in the posts to come and to continue to share what I learn as I get myself back to 80%. Not 100% — no one can live at 100% all the time. That’s just crazy. 🤪

Hero’s Journey

Stats: 0
Energy: 0
Side Quest Completed: Crossed roads and sailed digital seas to claim yon vitamin of Benfotiamine 300mg.

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The Science Behind the Why

Here is one of the YouTube videos that convinced me to take Benfotiamine and here is a ChatGPT summary of why this supplement could be helpful when in grief and depression.

Why Benfotiamine Can Help in Grief and Depression
During grief and prolonged stress, your body stays in “high-alert” mode, burning through Vitamin B1 much faster than usual. B1 is essential for turning food into ATP — the energy your cells actually use — and for keeping your nervous system stable. Low B1 can mean constant fatigue, brain fog, anxiety, and feeling “wired but tired.”

Benfotiamine is a fat-soluble form of B1 that reaches the brain and nerves far better than standard B1. By restoring this key nutrient, it helps mitochondria make energy efficiently, protects brain cells from stress damage, and steadies the stress response. Many people notice more stamina, clearer thinking, and better mood resilience — even if other B vitamins didn’t help.

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*Affiliate link alert. Anything I link to is something I personally use and recommend to my family and friends. I would never push anything I haven’t tried myself and found helpful. If you decide to buy it and use my link, I get a few duckets as thanks.